Our “Facebook” New Year

pioneers

Have you noticed that Facebook has become the year-long version of the annual Christmas card from your least secure friend. The clean, sanitized version of life that often bares no resemblance to reality? You know the Christmas card that goes:

Dearest Loved Ones,

How could another year have already come and gone?!

We were just recovering our whirlwind trip to the Galapagos in January when Tristan received a promotion (the third in a year!) that took us off to Paris for a three-week conference. The timing was perfect as Julia inexplicably lost 8 pounds and her size 4’s were sagging on her. Paris was the perfect place to replace her wardrobe! Needless to say we ate too much, drank too much and had just about the best time any two people could EVER have!!!

Tristan Jr. was named National Merit Scholar and has received three (!) full rides to Harvard, Yale and Princeton (no-less)!! He wanted to take a year off to join the Peace Corps But once his father explained that he wasn’t responsible for the suffering of the world and that he would have a hard time making the football team if he allowed himself to get out of top performance shape. He reluctantly agreed. That boy is such a do-gooder at heart!

Reagan was on the honor roll again for the 19th consecutive term! She is having the time of her life in school and is the captain of the cheerleading squad and is class president. She is so busy that she’s having a hard time fitting in all the demands of her modeling. You can see her on this month’s issue of Seventeen Magazine!

Our sweet dog Geoffrey turned seven this year and is as spry as ever! He was awarded a medal of honor by our local mayor for saving the life of a baby squirrel who was drowning in a bird bath at Haven Park!

Seriously, life has never been so fulfilling, rewarding and invigorating!!!

Wishing you all the joy of the season!!

Tristan, Julia, Tristan Jr. and Reagan

This is essentially how Julia’s Facebook posts go day after exciting day. When in truth, I know Julia and this is how her Christmas card should read.

Dear All,

This year felt like twenty!

The trip to the Galapagos was excruciating! Stan came down with impetigo and Julie caught a tape worm that methodically stole every calorie she put into her mouth. The damn lizards were huge and the heat unbearable. So much for saving for twenty years for our dream vacation!

If that wasn’t bad enough when we got home we had to leave almost immediately for Paris for a conference. That’s Paris, Texas. We stayed at the Super 8. The sheets were dirty, the rug had a very questionable stain and I swear there was blood spatter on the walls. The only thing that made the trip palatable was that we were drunk a good portion of the time.

While we were away Stan Jr. flunked chemistry for the third time. He may not graduate with the rest of his class if he doesn’t pass in summer school. He’s decided that if the local Junior College accepts him, he’ll take classes in mechanics at night while working his fast food job during the day.

I regret to say that Reggie is pregnant. She won’t tell us who the father is but we suspect that he’s the lead singer of a Menudo cover band. She insists that she is going to raise this baby by herself. Yeah, right. If by herself she means in her bedroom that her mother still cleans and her father pays for.

Geoffrey bit the mailman again and has been ordered by the court to be put down.

Hoping your year was a million times better than ours!

Stan, Julie, Stan Jr. & Reggie

In the spirit of pioneers everywhere, we have decided that our Facebook updates, while still a little slanted toward the upbeat and positive (because let’s face we’re just as insecure as the rest), we are also going to try to tell it like it is. So here is our Facebook and blog New Year greeting to you.

Dear Friends, Family and Fellow Pioneers,

Holy crap, what a year!

In addition to our normal summer gardening, canning, harvesting duties, Jimmy was diagnosed with stage four tonsil cancer in June. To say that we were hit hard would be an understatement akin to saying that Bill Gates does pretty well financially.

After several months, Jimmy is doing well and is nearly completely healed from the surgery. We rejoice!

Meanwhile Anna is in preschool and loving it! Recently, Faith has become an utter joy, her grumpy disposition a seldom seen beast.

Whitney never did lose that twenty pounds from Faith’s birth. In sympathy of Jimmy’s inability to eat solid food for several months, she picked up the slack and ate for both of them. Alas, all her Facebook pictures are of her neck up.

Libby and Reiner are in the gym three mornings a week. Needless to say, they are both healthier for it, even if there is a bit of grumping about the early hour.

We are spending the winter months getting our new shed in order, shoveling goat poop for our gardens and spreading coffee grounds under the blueberry bushes (to name but a few of our activities.) We are beginning to plan our crop for the spring and are eagerly looking forward to the weather warming a bit.

We are currently enjoying this month’s issue of Mother Earth News and would highly recommend it. There are great tips on hoop gardening that we look forward to exploring. “Holy Shit!” by Gene Logston has become our bible on all things poop and compost, a very informative read.

Even though we are all a bit grayer, more tired and (some of us) fatter, it has been a good year.

Wishing you a blessed and fruitful New Year!

The New Pioneers

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