The Worst Pioneer, EVER!


The last few days have gotten me to thinking about what the real pioneers had to deal with in order to survive. We are experiencing some uncommon weather for our neck of the woods and while I grew up in “real” weather, in the Mid-West, I have not had to deal with it in many, many years. Two days ago a foot of snow got dropped on us and while we were all, “Oh how pretty! I hope its good packing snow! and Who wants more hot chocolate?” the reality of the situation hit home today now that we are under a Severe Winter Storm Warning. This includes dire suggestions that you leave the house only in case of real emergency. This just in, the state does not consider running out of milk a real emergency. Luckily, we have plenty. It also includes predictions that we will be without power at some point for at least several hours as the ice starts to snap power lines and tree branches start coming down. Eek!

Pioneer Husband, Jimmy, is outside digging out our walk and driveway before the 15 or so inches of snow turns into solid ice. Good man. I , on the other hand, am running around higgledy-piggledy trying to prepare in all ways that seem important to me. These are the very things the real pioneers would have scoffed at and picked me as the first one for certain death.

1.  I have to vacuum if I won’t be able to do so for some undisclosed amount of time.

2. I feel strongly that we should all wash our hair and blow it dry because apparently dirty hair isn’t the way I want to spend the next day or two.

3. I just got done boiling 2 kinds of noodles and defrosting a big hunk of chili so that we can more easily heat dinner over a can of Sterno.

4. I’m not sure why, but I feel the need to clean the bath tub while I can still see the dirt. I am aware that this makes little to no sense.

5. I’m washing clothes that don’t really need washing. Why? I don’t want to be a dirty pioneer. Oxymoron much? Emphasis on the moron.

6. In addition to charging phones, which is smart, I am also charging the video camera and regular camera in case the perfect photo op presents itself while the power is out.

7. I am making a batch (make that a double batch) of chocolate chip cookies. Pioneer husband wonders why as we have a freezer full of baked goods. To which I answer, “They won’t be fresh, they won’t be warm!” Knowing full well that they won’t stay warm for long anyway, but I HAVE to do it.

8. I check up on the storm via the internet every ten minutes or so while I still have power. Of course the dire warnings stand and nothing changes but I feel the need to read and reread them ad nauseum.

9. I am letting the pioneer children watch WAY more tv than normal or even healthy by absorbing all the Madeleine they can stomach while I prepare for the worst.

10. In addition to all the idiotic things I’m doing, I’m also getting all the batteries and flashlights out, making a list of things Pioneer Husband needs to bring in from the shed (Advil, propane heater, popcorn…) and searching the house for a good book to read by candle light.

And the whole while I’m doing all this stuff, I’m well aware that the real pioneers would look at me like an alien species. That, my friends is why I’m a New Pioneer and not an old one. Wish us luck!


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